Imitators of God
Ephesians 4:25-5:2
25 So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. 26 Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and do not make room for the devil. 28 Thieves must give up stealing; rather let them labor and work honestly with their own hands, so as to have something to share with the needy. 29 Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption. 31 Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, 32 and be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. 1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, 2 and live in love, as Christ loved us, and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Before we get into the signposts and the guardrails of the Christian faith that this passage represents, we need a bit of context. Ephesus was a thriving, multiethnic coastal city most famous for its Temple to Artemis. Paul’s teaching offered a New Way—a way to become a ‘new creation’ by following Jesus. He sharply contrasted the fractious, backbiting and bitterness of the ‘old self’ with a life of regard, respect and reconciliation inherent in the new self offered in Christ. Paul converted many but also ran into trouble. The local silversmiths recognized Paul’s teaching against idols was bad for their business. It is an ancient example of a never-ending conflict between self-interest and the good of the wider community. A very brief look at our current political discourse reveals the same issues—truth is distorted and slanted to attack and divide. Anger and discontent are intentionally mobilized. Rather than speak of what we stand for, we make ad hominem cases against the opposing side. Such behavior, whether in the first century or the twenty-first century must be resisted and guarded against—or we will slip back into self-defeating secular values. Or, as Paul would put it, we will revert to our ‘old selves’ rather than hold on ‘to that which is good’.
So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another.
In a world of Artificial Intelligence, deep fakes and ordinary internet disinformation, it is nearly impossible to discern truth. I just read about one of the latest scams in which a caller identifies themselves as a customer service representative and before you can ask a single question, the caller asks: “Can you hear me?” They are looking to record your ‘yes’ in order to ‘prove’ you signed up for products or services that you have no use for. (FYI, the counter is to reply: “I can hear you.” At least in that case your voice and courtesy cannot be used against you.) It is frightening to realize how many people are trying to trick us and it is worse to realize how easy it is to be tricked. I used to think I was pretty alert to such tactics—until I came dangerously close to having my checking account emptied. Since we usually do not talk about our being conned, I have no idea about how many of us have been fooled—but anecdotally that number is going way up. Unfortunately, the very fact that we must be so vigilant contributes to the general atmosphere of distrust, fear and hyper vigilance.
Such tactics, whether political or ‘for profit’, work. They are ways to get ahead and ways to make money. If the examples were not so blatant, most of us would have no objection to the life goals of getting ahead or of making money. In lesser ways, most advertising is designed to make money—even when it encourages addiction to cigarettes. When does salesmanship become exploitive? Where is the line that should not be crossed? Or should we rely on the maxim, “Let the buyer beware”.
While there is no ‘right answer’ that fits all situations, Paul introduces a guard rail – “Put away falsehood” – and calls us to ‘speak truth’. He goes further and explains we do this because we are ‘members of one another’. This is one of our fundamental faith claims. “As you have done to the least of these, you have done unto me’ is a way to say that we believe we are all interconnected, and we are expected to show regard and mindfulness to everyone. We are not lone rangers. We belong to a community. We are all connected. As we move forward, you will see that this is a foundational concept for Paul.
Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil.
We spent a lot of time in FIRL on this line. Anger is part of our lives and part of being human. The question is not about the validity of anger. Rather it is how do we make valid use of our anger. When is it in service to connection and regard and when is it sinful? When is it used to dismiss and divide?
It is easy to feed and exploit anger. In such cases, we are more likely feeding our indignation and self-righteousness. We are so busy proving our ‘rights’ and our righteousness, we lose self-awareness and regard for what might be driving the anger in the first place. Psychologically, anger is a secondary, rather than primary emotion. It is often loud and frightening. But it is almost always secondary to fear and helplessness. It is a fruitful exercise to ask what are we afraid of? or where do we feel helpless and unable to control outcomes? rather than to ask what are we angry about? Such questions create space for reflections and slows down our self-righteousness. We can be more accountable for our own feelings and more curious about the other person.
Hence the suggestions: “do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil.” Anger is so visceral that we need some time to engage our brains. And, truth be told, we often need more than a few hours to open our hearts and minds to other possibilities. Acting by reacting is rarely a reliable path to creating space for reconciliation. I remember vividly the night as a young father, my 18-month-old baby was inconsolable unless I held her and walked with her. Nothing worked. Her wailing went on for hours. I could not sit down. I could not even sit in the rocker with her. She was fed. She had been changed. No relief. Let us just say I had some very ugly thoughts as my care and concern shifted to exhaustion and frustration. The next day, we learned she had an ear infection. I felt six inches tall. All too often something is going on that we do not see—in ourselves and in another. It helps to remember that our first reaction, especially anger, may not be our best one. We cannot control the fact that we get angry. We can be accountable for the way we express it.
Ron Johnson told us he and his wife diligently honored the admonition not to let the sun set on their anger. However, the two of them missed the point of such effort because they rarely resolved the conflict between them. In retrospect, Ron thought their practice had done more to damage than help their relationship. He reminded me of the aphorism: “Peace is not the absence of conflict.” Just because people are not angry and fighting does not mean there is reconciliation. Reconciliation requires examining our anger. The point of the pause is to create space for such examinations. If that does not happen, both parties will feel unheard and both parties will feel lonelier. His experience is a common one. Many of us are afraid of conflict and rather than endure the discomfort of self-reflection and regard, we choose silence.
One last real-life example. I was speaking with a man who was in conflict with his sister. He was appalled with her judgmental attitude toward her daughter who was seeking to change her sexual identity. His sister said to him, “If God wanted her to be a man, he would have made her one.” She went on to accuse her brother of aiding and abetting the daughter’s ‘bad choices’. The conflict was a half inch away from a righteous and self-righteous debate about what is ‘really’ Christian. They both needed a time out. I pointed out that he was treating his sister with the same judgmental attitude that he accused her of having. He certainly did not know how to be respectful of a sister who thought so differently from him—just as the mother had no clue how to relate to a daughter who was so different from her. I do not know if they will be able to reconcile and respect their differences. I do know that if there is a chance for that to happen, they will each have to be accountable and respectful. I must add, however, that if we are humans dealing with humans, sometimes our best efforts fail. But failing to make the effort to reconcile guarantees failure.
Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.
This is deceptively simple. Our job is to encourage and build each other up. I read a quote this week that said: “Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.” And failing that, “If you can’t be kind, have the decency to be vague.” This is very practical advice. It reminds us that even when we are sure we are right, we should at least allow for the possibility we are not. And failing that, we can at least refrain from bad mouthing and tearing down.
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.
God knows, from the inside out, that we are frail, disobedient creatures. And He loves us. He loves us as we are. When we realize we have received that grace, we are much more likely – and more able – to offer grace. When we realize that our sins are not held against us (that we are forgiven), we are much more likely – and more able – to forgive. We become a new creation. Imitate Him. It is what God wants for us. Let it be so
