GIFT OF LOVE
Faith In Real Life Blog
Rev. Vernon Gramling
Decatur Presbyterian Church
January 28, 2022
1 Corinthians 13
If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. 9 For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; 10 but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. 13 And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
I want to look at this passage as both a stand alone text and then in the context of the whole of 1 Corinthians, As a stand alone chapter this passage is inspirational and is probably most frequently read at weddings. The text offers a particular understanding of loving in a world of competing definitions. We have to be careful about what the word love means. In the first century as our own, love had a variety of meanings. Pastors typically dissect the Greek to differentiate between eros, (sexual love), filios (brotherly love) and agape (divine love and the word used in this chapter). I have hots for you is different than we are comrades which is also different than I will cherish and show regard for you. Yet, we can easily say ‘I love you’ in each circumstance.
In my counseling practice, the words “I love you” are used in conflicting ways. I frequently listen to a litany of complaints about a partner followed by “but I love him/her.’ As often as not there is little actual regard for their partner. It is a way to say “I’m not ready to leave but he’d better shape up” and/or it is used to justify bad behavior. At its most absurd, it’s ok to threaten you as long as I tell you I love you. Jealous partners have justified all manner of verbal and physical abuse by saying ‘but I loved her so much’.
All too often in real life, couples marry expecting to get something. It may be security, a regular sex partner, fidelity, a breadwinner, a housekeeper etc. The expectations may be conscious or unconscious but when they are not met, disappointment, anger and resentment soon follow. We point out ‘what we have done for them’ in an attempt to demand reciprocity. It is a real jolt to realize that there is nothing in the wedding vows that is enforceable. They are statements of good intent, not contractual obligations. We actually have no way to make someone keep their promises.
Nor is love the feeling we associate with being ‘in love’. In real life, those wonderful warm feelings we can experience with another are frustratingly rare in the routines of daily life. Couples who are working and have children typically spend less than an hour of non logistical conversation. If we base our relationships on our mood, few would survive.
According to Paul, loving is a decision and a pattern of living. Look at verses 4-7. ”Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” In real life it is difficult and inconvenient to love another person. We promise, within our own limitations (and that is a very big caveat), to cherish and enhance the life of another. Love is a gift. It is not a deal. Loving is about what we offer—not what we get. As such, loving is vulnerable and is easily exploited. Yet, we, with Paul, believe loving is what gives meaning to our lives–”And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.”
In real life this is a direction for living—not something we can actually achieve. To use this passage as a standard for relationships is an invitation to inadequacy and failure. As ordinary people, we are far more like the contentious congregants in Corinth than this ideal. The church in Corinth was filled with people vying for position. They wanted recognition for their particular contributions. They had allegiances to particular leaders and rankings of particular skills. These divisions meant there was little regard for differences and led to competition instead of cooperation. These are the struggles of church families and personal families. Everyone of us needs to be seen and recognized. Everyone of us tries to assess worth by comparison rather than living in the promise that God loves us all.
In chapter 13, Paul is offering a more excellent way. This is a passage about God far more than an idealistic standard for good behavior. I have often interchanged the word God for the word love to help us see that God is literally love. In this passage I will do the reverse and substitute the word God for the word love. It is important to reread this text with this variation. It reads:
If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have God, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have God, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have God, I gain nothing.
4 God is patient; God is kind; God is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5 or rude.God does not insist on her own way; God is not irritable or resentful; 6 God does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7 God bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 God never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. 9 For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; 10 but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. 13 And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is God.
Without this God, our attempts to love are not sustainable. None of us are always patient or kind. All of us are irritable and resentful and all of us have rejoiced in wrong doing. This is a God to worship and seek to follow. God does not insist on her own way but God shows us a better way and gives us the choice to step outside of our self centeredness. Paul challenges all of us who seek self importance, knowledge and prophetic insight. None of our knowledge, good deeds or faithful church attendance matter without this God of love showing us the way and sustaining us through life.
May this God of Love embrace you and lead you to life.
