Faith In Real Life Blog: “An Invitation and a Warning”

Matthew 22:1-14

Once more Jesus spoke to them in parables, saying: 2 ‘The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who gave a wedding banquet for his son. 3 He sent his slaves to call those who had been invited to the wedding banquet, but they would not come. 4 Again he sent other slaves, saying, “Tell those who have been invited: Look, I have prepared my dinner, my oxen and my fat calves have been slaughtered, and everything is ready; come to the wedding banquet.”

5 But they made light of it and went away, one to his farm, another to his business, 6 while the rest seized his slaves, maltreated them, and killed them. 7 The king was enraged. He sent his troops, destroyed those murderers, and burned their city.

8 Then he said to his slaves, “The wedding is ready, but those invited were not worthy. 9 Go therefore into the main streets, and invite everyone you find to the wedding banquet.” 10 Those slaves went out into the streets and gathered all whom they found, both good and bad; so, the wedding hall was filled with guests.

11 ‘But when the king came in to see the guests, he noticed a man there who was not wearing a wedding robe, 12 and he said to him, “Friend, how did you get in here without a wedding robe?” And he was speechless. 13 Then the king said to the attendants, “Bind him hand and foot, and throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” 14 For many are called, but few are chosen.’

Takeaways:

1. Before we go any further, the story is in part an explanation of the history of Israel.  God chooses Israel but Israel says NO to God’s son.  The invitation to join in the joys of the kingdom are refused. In the parable the reaction is rude, dismissive and violent.  Such reactions parallel Israel’s response to God’s invitation —prophets are killed, the people would rather rely on a king than rely upon God, and the people called to serve Godserved themselves.  But why would Israel, or any of us,  refuse the opportunities God offers? 

2. The simplest answer is that, as in real life, we often say NO without knowing what we are giving up.  We often have better things to do.  It could be golf or soccer.  It could be work or the need to get more sleep.  It could be skepticism about doctrine or fellow invitees.  It could be we simply do not want to do the work of loving.   But all of these reasons say NO to the kingdom to which we are invited.  
3. There are a thousand ‘reasons’ not to say ‘yes’ to God’s invitation, but love (and God’s kingdom) begins with a decision to say yes.  In the Christian faith, a life well lived is life in which we seek to love well. It requires work, inconvenience and sacrifice.  It is not a Hallmark card.

4. Love is a decision, not a feeling.  In real life we make decisions to be mindful and caring.  But as we all know that does not mean our care is reciprocated or even received.                                                                                                          

The next verse is problematic: “The king was enraged. He sent his troops, destroyed those murderers, and burned their city.”                                                                         

Takeaways:

1. It makes sense as a way to explain the various disasters (political and natural) which befell Israel.  Over and over in the Old Testament we see a God who acts human.  A God who punishes individual wrong doers as well as the nation for their failure to follow him.  But I believe such explanations reflect our human understanding of the world more than they reflect the nature of God.  It is paradoxically easier to live in a world based upon predictable outcomes (do good, receive blessings—do bad, receive punishments) rather than a world of reliance on God’s care for the undeserving. 

2. Jesus revealed a God who judged but did not retaliate. This shift in our understanding of God requires a major evolution and revolution of our thinking about God. Typically, we make God in our image rather than seek to live in God’s image. The Bible is full of both concepts and it is difficult to parse them out because God’s kingdom is consistently counter to our ordinary human thinking. We tend to default to what we know and experience rather than listen to what God is saying.  
3. All of this may be my own rationalization, but I simply do not believe in a retaliatory God.  Humans can be provoked but I believe God cannot be. (I know there are many scripture verses to the contrary but I believe the Bible itself reveals a deepening understanding of who God is.   

4. This is one of the most common real-life errors we make in ordinary  relationships. More often than not we hear what we expect rather than listen to what is actually being said. I think we do the same thing with our understanding of God.  We expect punishment when we fail and attribute the natural consequences of our failures to God rather than seeing God is simply warning us of danger ahead. We tend to think of God as the agent of our suffering rather than the mirror that reflects the consequences of decisions.

 The parable ends with an example of God’s judgment that is expressed in terms of human understanding. A man comes to the wedding underdressed. He is confronted and he is speechless. (It is possible this refers to the king being speechless but I am going to assume that we are talking about the underdressed guest.) He certainly did not see himself as liable. After all, he had just been pulled from the street. Then something scary happens. Then the king said to the attendants, “Bind him hand and foot, and throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”  This seems unjust and incredibly harsh. It elicited the majority of our reactions in FIRL.                                                                         

Takeaways:

1. Terrible things happen to us when we turn away from God.  The life to which we are invited is a life that gives meaning and purpose to our lives.  The joy of the banquet is the celebration of the experience that we are deeply loved. There is no greater joy.  It is what God wants for us.  Such love saves us from the treadmill of proving ourselves.  It gives us a sure foundation for our lives.  We can live securely even in the harshest of circumstances.  God invites us to such a life but we not only have to say yes, we have to live that yes.  We cannot phone it in.  That is just another way to say No.  

2. I have many clients over the years that have been damaged in ways that make it very difficult for them to risk vulnerability.  Many have been very high achievers and are secularly admired.  But inside they are in a constant uphill battle to prove and validate themselves.  In the end, most often they are exhausted and emotionally alone—no matter how much they are admired.  The reason does not matter, but the consequence is that they missed out on God’s invitation to accept God’s love as the basis of their lives.  

3. The underdressed man did say yes to the invitation but for whatever reason, he missed the point of the celebration.  The consequences of missing the point of the festivities is a misdirected life—which is hyperbolically described as a life lived in outer darkness.  That is what it is like to be separated from love.  (There is a reason that solitary confinement is a form of punishment.)  Though the language suggests God is doing something to us, I believe these are words from a loving God seeking to warn us of the dangerous consequences of missing out on God’s gift of grace.

Finally we have the words:  For many are called, but few are chosen.’

Takeaways:

1. Millions of people have married over the years.  Almost all are declaring love for one another.

2. In real life, at least one third of those marriages will fail.  Most of us marry thinking we know something about love.  Little do we know how much we have to learn.

3. If we insist on being right or insist upon our own definitions, we will be closed off from the life of love He calls us to.  

This whole passage reflects a God who reaches out over and over.  He both promises joy beyond imagining and warns us over and over of the pitfalls of missing the point.  God’s way is both terribly hard and amazingly simple.  It works.  Give love a chance. Learn from Jesus what love actually is.  Let it be so.

PS  Perhaps my biggest takeaway is a fragment of our last anthem “The Secret of Christ” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAub1FGzKek has been rolling around in my head.   It begins with “I will lead the blind in ways they know not” and ends with: “Following in the path of Jesus, My master and My friend.”  He is our master because he shows us a better way and he is our friend because he is with us always.  This is the invitation.  Enjoy the gift.

Vernon Gramling is a Parrish Associate at DPC. He has been providing pastoral care and counseling for over 45 years. You can find more about Vernon, the Faith in Real Life (FIRL) gatherings and Blog at our staff page or FIRL.